Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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