Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just had sex on a roof
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
