What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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