Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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