last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
