She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
