You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
