i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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