i think my mom watched the whole time
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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