At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
