What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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