Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
