I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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