I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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