just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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