Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
