Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
