Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
