I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't deserve a penis
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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