i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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