goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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