What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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