If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
