Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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