i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
