Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
