Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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