What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
