I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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