p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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