At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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