I hope mine doesn't look like that
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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