marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
