The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Houston, we have a blender
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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