No stitches, just platelets and will power
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
