Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
