How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
