Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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