So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
