i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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