Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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