yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
