Your tits are I can't wait for
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
The ass gains better be worth it
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