we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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