lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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