I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
