So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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