please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
