yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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