Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
