I must be too annoying 4 u.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
