your thong is hanging out like whoa
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
