I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
