can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
